Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
