I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
