"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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