dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
