I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
