he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
