Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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