weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
