We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
