Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
