so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
