The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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