I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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