yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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