yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
