dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
