You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
