hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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