Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
