when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Randomize
