My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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