I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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