this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
