Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
