I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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