Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
