id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
