I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
