dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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