The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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