i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
