Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
