It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
