There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Come on in and take your pants off
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