last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
