Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
