So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
