At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
