I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
