dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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