The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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