trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
