I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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