Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
