Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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