is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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