Pappa wants mamma naked
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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