look no pants
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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