We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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