started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Shame is for Republicans.
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