Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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