the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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